Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Home sweet home ?

A lot of people in this world say :" home sweet home " or " home is the best place than others " . Well it is true in fact . Home is the best place for you to rest your mind & soul . I wish my home will be home sweet home too but unluckily , thing just doesn go smoothly all times . Nothing is perfect in this world & nobody is perfect too in this world . We have to admit that .

Well , my family is pretty ok all the while . I'm pretty happy with my life in fact , i have job , i have a lovely partner , my best buddies with me, i have a great mum & my siblings too as well . I'm studying part time & i own a car at my age now . It's quite a good life already at my age & i really appreciate my life & my everything . But there's one thing that always troubles me & my mum , siblings . My dad ..

Ok , he is sick i know , he has mentally illness . We all have to understand , but he's the patient and we are the victims most of the time . Last week because of one small tiny little mistake , i forgotten to lock the gate . And things started to get screwed up . He started to lose control again cause lately he didn take medicine and he was drunk that time too . He started to argued with my mum at 1st but after that things getting worse . He started to act violence towards my mum again . I was so angry i wanted to stop everything but i know i couldn't do anything to fight so the only thing that i could do is to yell at him to stop this . Cause it's impossible to see our own mum has been bitten by someone . But end out he acted violence towards me too as well .

He was out of control that night , kept on yelling at me & my mum & kept on acting violence towards my mum ! And he kept on asking me to leave from this house & finally i have no choice but to drive out middle of the night out there to seek for collegue's help . Thank god i still have my collegue who is very understand about this matter and let me stay at her place for a night .

I promise myself that next time i will never never ever want to have this kind of family . I promise to take good care of it & i don wan to have a family that i m having right now . That's the only thing i can look forward too in future to set up my own family which is more peaceful & harmony . Cause it is a fact that he is my dad , i cannot do anything to change other's to be my dad .

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Sometimes i feel like ....

Sometimes i feel like wanting to run away from this home , to avoid my dad , but i know i'm gonna miss my mum & my siblings so much & i will feel that i am not responsible by running away leaving my mum & my siblings .

Sometimes i feel like wanna forgive my dad , but when i think of how he made me & my family suffer for the past few years , i feel like killing him instead , but i wont kill him too it's silly to kill him & make myself get into trouble .

Sometimes i wonder , why i was born to this family , to have such failer as my dad , who always makes me feel nervous , makes me feel stress , makes me feel ashame & sick of this home . But i thank god that i have a wonderful mum & siblings .

I think me & my family will be living better a lot without my dad . I had enough already , i cant take it anymore , i can cope those stress come from working , part time studying and lots of other things . But that's one thing i cannot cope , the stress from my dad . HE MAKES ME NERVOUS ALL TIMES , HE MAKES ME ANGRIER WHEN THE MOMENT I SAW HIM , HE MAKES ME FEEL LIKE KILLING HIM WHEN I THINK OF HOW DID HE TREAT MY MUM BEFORE !


If affordable , i wish i could own my house with my partner & i will promise myself i will never ever have to live like this anymore . I wish i could buy another house for my mum & my siblings so that they can have a better lives too . Better than living with a guy like him who is jobless , who has mentally illness , who always extremely contol us all times .

It's not that i am cruel , it's just that i really cannot face him & take it anymore ...

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Acer aspire AS4736G-664G50MN

Well , i've bought a new notebook last week saturday , the 9th Jan 10 , that is Acer Aspire AS4736G with enduser price RM2399 from my dealer . The specs are nice , T6600 , 2.2Ghz , 4gb DDR2 800 , 500GB harddisk , with graphic card Nvidia GeForece G105M , with pre-install Window 7 Home premium . My dealer had helped me to install some other software also as well , and gave a lot of freebies too hehehe .

The reason i need to buy this notebook is to prepare for my coming assignments , cause last time during my 1st sem while i was doing my assignments , i have to borrow the notebook from my brother which he is studying the same college with me & our assignments due date is the same , when i need to borrow from him but he can't lend me to use his notebook as he needs to do his assignments too . So by force i have to buy a new notebook of my own & let my sisters to use also as well . Hehehehe ..

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Such a long time !

Wah , i didn even login into my blog & write something since last year Sept .. Guess i was really busy with my college life and working . Last year Oct & Nov busy with assignments , then early Dec i was busy with my exam then mid of Dec went to KL for Company team building . What a busy life , but i enjoyed this kind of life , cause at least we have something to do and we don't feel bored .

The old folk in my house nowadays his emotion is under control by the medicine that he is taking now but he did not follow the instruction of the doctor & simply take the medicine when he thinks that he needs it . I think over dos liao la , very hard to control the way he consume the medicine even mum tries to hide the medicine . For example , there's one medicine that he should only take once a day but he takes the medicine 3 times a day . Headache with him , specially my mum , i'm so pity her that she is the only one who support mostly for the whole family's daily needs , & my dad just only know how to eat , how to sleep & simply think of something that is out of space . Well , what to do , that's him . Sometimes i just treat that as if he's transparent . So that i don't feel stress that much , don't why his appearance will make me & my siblings so stress .

Miss my dear so much . He has been outstation in Bintulu for almost half a year since last year July . On off he did come back a while lo when there's holidays , but lately he is super duper busy with the project which is going to due soon so unable to come back here even Chrismas holiday & new year holiday . Sigh .. What to do , he has to work ma , no pain no gain , that's life . Luckily i have a batch of friends & lovely colleagues who accompany me for the meaningful festival seasons la . Hehehe .. I think i will only be only to meet him during the coming Chinese New Year lo ..

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Mentally illness ? So what ?

When you guys hear about mentally illness , what comes to your mind ? " xiao lang " , " orang gila " ? In medical they are not " xiao lang " or "orang gila " , to doctors , they are patients , which their brains are not functioning properly . Well , they are pretty pity cause they are sick , they cannot control their own emotions . Schizophrenia , anxiety disorders , deppression and so on are brain illnesses . Of course there is a lot but just that i can't remember . Mentally illness patients will have some weird behaviours for examples : keep on washing their hands , keep on checking whether they have locked the door , gates or maybe windows la , scolding people without any reasonable reasons , violence and so on ..

Yes , i know that those behaviours that they are acting might not under their control , because their brains are disorder , we should be more understanding & should feel sympathy towards them . But how about our feelings ? It's really suffer for those who has a mentally illness patient in the family . Sometimes the patient might hurt you , say something which can hurt your feeling or even spoil your mood of the day and yet you can't argue with the patient cause his or her brain is not functioning well ! Sometimes even it is just a small matter but they can make it as a bigger problem . It is very hard to handle & live with the patient .

My old folk in my family , my dad , sorry to say that he's my old folk in the family , i know by calling him old folk is not nice . He has mentally illness , which suffer us for how many donkey years . Actually he had some symptoms in his late twenties or maybe early thirties it's just that we didn't realize . he used to control us strictly and we have to follow exactly what he wants . He keeps on scolding us with some stupid reasons that a normal people cannot accept . He always torture & have violence behaviours towards my mum which i cannot forgive him until now . We all are very panic most of the time & have to be extra careful with whatever things that we are going to do . What a suffer life & i hate it so much . His attitude is not good too & he always thinks that he is right & we are wrong most of the time . He never listen to others people's advices too .

For the passed 5 years , he is jobless until now . Can you imagine a guy without a job & have a wife with 5 children . The wife is a housewife & the children still have to go to school ? Gosh i tell you , that period was a disaster to me , my siblings & specially my mum . He didn't even bother look for a job , while my mum had found a job & i have found a part time job during my form 5 so that at least i have my own pocket money for my own spending . When my mum helped him to look for some jobs & asked him to go for the interview , do you guys know how did he respone ? He told my mum that if these jobs are so good how come there is nobody apply & go for the interview ? And he said it must be not a good job & cannot earn a lot of salaries that is why no one apply for those particular jobs . My mum was so angry & speechless , because she is trying to help him to find a job & at least he will have his own income to surport his own expenses but she had got this kind of respone from him . And he always give lots of excuses for not finding a job for example he needs to pick & fetch us this kind of stupid excuse .

Well after my form 5 , i was luckily enough to manage to find a job . At least i have a monthly income every month for my own & sometimes if my budgets allow i will try to help my mum to buy some households . At 1st it was my aunty who used to pick & fetch me to work & home . But sometimes if she goes for travelling then i have no choice that i have to seek for the old folk's help to pick or fetch me home if my boyfriend is outstation or my mum is busy . That old folk always blame that i am so troublesome when comes to the time i need his help to pick / fetch me by saying that i am working now why should i ask for his help to pick me up . He said he is very busy & have no time for these , but he is jobless how can he be so busy ? And i only requseted him to help when there is no one to pick & fetch me ! Well i got so mad that time & i have no choice that i have to buy a car of my own . My life changed a bit at least when i have owned my own car , at least i can drive to work , help my mum to pick my siblings all these ..

Recently , i think should be beginning of this year then only we realize that he has mentally illness . I think partly it is because of his bad attitudes too that cause him to have mantally illness . Secondly is because he is jobless until NOW !!! He is too free & have nothing to do so always bring out some small cases & argue with us . And right now still my mum has to give him some pocket money for his expenses , his expenses is kind huge you know .Everyday he just lying on the sofa , sleep , eat , keep on complaining that he is very suffer after he had taken his mentally illness madicine . I am so tired of going home most of time seeing him . As he likes to bring some small cases & argue with me & my family members . Until i have totally given up & don't feel like talking to him anymore ! It's useless to talk to him as he thinks that he is right all times . So i always keep myself busy & don't wanna stay at home most of the time . Don't feel like seeing him anymore . I really feel stress facing him . So most of the time i will hang out with my buddies & talk about my problems with them , sing k to release my stress & try to talk to my boyfriend about this .

Well guys , try to control your own emotions . Sometimes don't be so particular with some small matters . Just give & take , life will be more easier . Try to release your stress or emotions in correct ways . Share with your buddies or the one that you love or close to . Don't end up like my old folk .

Monday, August 17, 2009

Home quarantine - sigh ....

Last week Friday night ( 14/8/09 ) went to Kenny's birthday celebration dinner @ pending seafood . I felt a bit unwell . . A bit flu .. But i thought it will be ok soon , was thinking to go home after the dinner but surprisily , my bf called me & told me that he had came back to Kuching all the way from Bintulu .. At 1st i thought he was just fooling around with me and i got so mad . But when he drove to the seafood centre to find me then only i believed what he said .. I was happy , surprised & a bit mad cause he didn let me know that he's coming back ..

Then i just drove my car home & followed my bf's car went out for couple of drinks . Of course , we talked a lot cause we didn meet each other for almost a month . The next day morning it was saturday , as usual , i woke up early to do my laundry .. While i was doing laundry i kept on sneezing . I thought it was just a small matter & i didn really wanna bother about it . After i've done everything , hang out with my bf again . He said he's going to celebrate my 21st birthday in advance , that's why he came back . But too bad , he needs to drive to Bintulu again on sunday afternoon as there's a meeting going on on monday . But at least , he came back to celebrate with me and i felt please ..

That afternoon we went for movie , watched "the proposal " as he promised he will bring me to watch . During the show , i felt unwell , i felt so cold & kept on sneezing ... But still we finished watching the movie . My bf advised me to see doctor but i refused . See , how stubborn am i .. Hehehe .. :p Cause we still have to go to Mango Tree restaurant for my 21st birthday celebration & will go to Kuching Festival after that .. But then i felt so weak & sick by then so finally , i agreed to go to see the doctor . So we have to cancel the Mango Tree dinner . Still stick to the plan that going to Kuching festival as i insisted to go :p

Well the doctor said i had fever , flu & a bit cough . He said this is something like H1N1 . But still under control & he wanted me to stay at home & don't allow me to go anywhere . I was shocked that i have been home quarantine ! Then after seeing doctor my bf refused to bring me to Kuching festival for a walk as i was so sick . I told him i'm ok , i still insist to go so he got no choice but to bring me to the festival . Casue he came back just to celebrate my birthday ma , at the same time he wanna go to the festival too but too bad i am sick . But i don care la , i still wanna go haha .. But with condition , i must wear my mask .. Eh ..... Ok lo no choice ma ...

Monday night went back to the clinic to follow up , i thought i should ok already & can attend my class at night after being checked by the doctor . But by the time the doctor chekced me , he said i still have a bit fever , not fully recover .. Need to home quarantine for another 2 days !! Oh mg goodness , wanna pengsan already .. Somemore this wed is my birthday lei still kena quarantine .. Haiz ... Speechless .. Well , now only hope i can fully recover soon lo .. What to do ....

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Birthday celebration & farewell dinner in advance with Samuel Wong

1st of all , wanna wish ah Mou ( Samuel Wong ) happy 20th birthday !! Old liao la old liao la .. No more 19 years old liao . The figure starts with "2" liao , no more "1" le .. Last week Tuesday( 28/7/09 ) we went to his birthday celebration & farewell dinner @ Mei San's restaurant . They were 6 of us , Mou , Ena , Dine , Sean , Kenny & me ..

Well , as usual , the photo kaki ( which is Kenny , me & Sean , Cheng just joined us recently ) brought our tools to the dinner , Kenny brought his DSLR camera , while i brought my compact digital camera & tripod also , Sean also brought his camera . . The purpose for bringing all these things are : it's easier for us to take a group photo using tripod , DSLR camera can take better quality's picture . Also , we were planning to take some pictures of riverside's night view too after the dinner . That time was the opening ceremony of DUN ( Dewan Undangan Negeri Sarawak ) , for more about the opening ceremony of DUN , you can refer to these 2 blogs , http://kennyeo.blogspot.com/ & http://seanarthurpoh.blogspot.com/ . Also , you guys can read from this blog , http://thephotokaki.blogspot.com/ ...