Home sweet home ?

A lot of people in this world say :" home sweet home " or " home is the best place than others " . Well it is true in fact . Home is the best place for you to rest your mind & soul . I wish my home will be home sweet home too but unluckily , thing just doesn go smoothly all times . Nothing is perfect in this world & nobody is perfect too in this world . We have to admit that .

Well , my family is pretty ok all the while . I'm pretty happy with my life in fact , i have job , i have a lovely partner , my best buddies with me, i have a great mum & my siblings too as well . I'm studying part time & i own a car at my age now . It's quite a good life already at my age & i really appreciate my life & my everything . But there's one thing that always troubles me & my mum , siblings . My dad ..

Ok , he is sick i know , he has mentally illness . We all have to understand , but he's the patient and we are the victims most of the time . Last week because of one small tiny little mistake , i forgotten to lock the gate . And things started to get screwed up . He started to lose control again cause lately he didn take medicine and he was drunk that time too . He started to argued with my mum at 1st but after that things getting worse . He started to act violence towards my mum again . I was so angry i wanted to stop everything but i know i couldn't do anything to fight so the only thing that i could do is to yell at him to stop this . Cause it's impossible to see our own mum has been bitten by someone . But end out he acted violence towards me too as well .

He was out of control that night , kept on yelling at me & my mum & kept on acting violence towards my mum ! And he kept on asking me to leave from this house & finally i have no choice but to drive out middle of the night out there to seek for collegue's help . Thank god i still have my collegue who is very understand about this matter and let me stay at her place for a night .

I promise myself that next time i will never never ever want to have this kind of family . I promise to take good care of it & i don wan to have a family that i m having right now . That's the only thing i can look forward too in future to set up my own family which is more peaceful & harmony . Cause it is a fact that he is my dad , i cannot do anything to change other's to be my dad .

Sometimes i feel like ....

Sometimes i feel like wanting to run away from this home , to avoid my dad , but i know i'm gonna miss my mum & my siblings so much & i will feel that i am not responsible by running away leaving my mum & my siblings .

Sometimes i feel like wanna forgive my dad , but when i think of how he made me & my family suffer for the past few years , i feel like killing him instead , but i wont kill him too it's silly to kill him & make myself get into trouble .

Sometimes i wonder , why i was born to this family , to have such failer as my dad , who always makes me feel nervous , makes me feel stress , makes me feel ashame & sick of this home . But i thank god that i have a wonderful mum & siblings .

I think me & my family will be living better a lot without my dad . I had enough already , i cant take it anymore , i can cope those stress come from working , part time studying and lots of other things . But that's one thing i cannot cope , the stress from my dad . HE MAKES ME NERVOUS ALL TIMES , HE MAKES ME ANGRIER WHEN THE MOMENT I SAW HIM , HE MAKES ME FEEL LIKE KILLING HIM WHEN I THINK OF HOW DID HE TREAT MY MUM BEFORE !

I REALLY HATE HIM SO MUCH , HE IS THE ONE THAT I HATE THE MOST IN THIS WORLD !

If affordable , i wish i could own my house with my partner & i will promise myself i will never ever have to live like this anymore . I wish i could buy another house for my mum & my siblings so that they can have a better lives too . Better than living with a guy like him who is jobless , who has mentally illness , who always extremely contol us all times .

It's not that i am cruel , it's just that i really cannot face him & take it anymore ...